Bucketlist #04: Write a Novel

I have always liked to write. I would not lie and say that I am really good at it. I write fairly well. But the most important thing is writing gives me unlimited joy. I can’t really explain it. It’s a different kind of feeling, something rather different than just feeling happy. I can’t actually put it in words. Isn’t it kind of ironic for someone who loves writing to say “he is not able to put it in words”?

My earlier writing days were during school time. Malay and English essays were the only thing that I was writing back then. I did not write anything extra. But when I think back, the moments I spent writing essays for school homework or during exams were indeed joyful ones. I still remember that most of the times when given choices during the essay exams, be it English or Malay, I always opted to choose the question that let me write fictional stories compared to factual essays like “Benefit of Extra Curricular Activities” or “Keruntuhan Akhlak Remaja Masa Kini”. I guess even then I liked exploring and playing with my imagination. But back then, it never occurred to me to pursue writing seriously. It was just something fun, like reading “Dragon Ball” comics or watching Saturday and Sunday morning cartoons. 

There were mild hints here and there throughout school days that my writing was fairly good. The earliest sign came when I was in standard 6. I was selected to submit a short essay for a district level writing competition. I can’t remember what the essay was about. I didn’t win anything, but to be selected to represent the school, it must have meant that my writing was not bad. The second instance came when I was in form 4. As part of our homework, we were supposed to write an essay titled “My Hero”. Those who know me well can easily guess who I would have written about. After reading it, my English teacher told me that it almost brought tears to her eyes. Same year I was picked for a Malay essay writing competition, I manage to get second place. Rests of the winners were my seniors. 

Besides these instances, I always got fairly high marks whenever I was writing for homework or exams. Yet it never occurred to me to write on my own. I only wrote when it was necessary to write; for homework, exams or the once in a blue moon writing competition. I guess being young and naïve; I was confined to the clutches of our education system and didn’t thrive to do anything on my own even though I loved doing it. I also didn’t get any guidance to consider writing as something to be pursued seriously. I guess everyone was trapped by dogma that you have to excel in studies, go to university and get a professional job like being a doctor or a lawyer. I was no exception.

Throughout university, I never took up any writing. Well, writing fictional essays was not part of medical school syllabus. But I did nurture an interest in reading novels at that time. Even though the number of novels that I finished during university were only a handful, it was amazing to learn how writers are able to create their own world through their words. My biggest influence in the art of storytelling was movies. I always was and am a huge movie buff. The best part of being a Malaysian is you are influenced by movies from all sort of languages, be it Tamil, English, Malay, Hindi, Mandarin, Cantonese and many others. The influence of novels and movies increased during my university days and having discussions about it broadened my mind even more. Yet, there was still no inspiration for me to start writing on my own. Maybe I felt my career path was already set during my university days. 

Hell broke loose when I resigned from my job as a doctor. I was jobless and my savings dried up in a blink of an eye. It was probably one of the worst periods of my life. I can’t explain how devastating it was, be it mentally, physically or emotionally. It was really tough. But those 16 jobless months was a great learning period. The amount of things I learnt about life during that period was enormous; more than I have learned throughout my schooling and university days. Besides learning about life, I also learned few other skills too and during this period I buried myself in more novels and movies. It was my means of escaping reality. I escaped into a different world each time. My interest in storytelling grew exponentially. I actually started writing on my own during my hard times; not because I was required to write but because I wanted to write.

Each time I think of a new story, I would start writing. But eventually I would get stuck and before I get to continue, I would have an idea for a different story. I would start working on that story too. This went on like a loop and within few years, in which I also found a job, I had around five to six unfinished novels in my laptop. I decided this could not go on. Rather than having a few unfinished novels, I rather have at least one finished novel. That’s when I added “Write a Novel” in my Bucket List. But it didn’t go according to plan. Time was not on my side. I was busy with work and would get stuck with something almost every time I wanted to sit and write. But in reality, I think there was no drive to push me to write. Procrastination being my biggest weakness, delayed my writing each time. The thought that I could write tomorrow or the day after kept postponing the completion of my unfinished novels. 

This went on for almost more than a year and I was nowhere near completing at least one my novels. The furthest I reached was finishing three chapters. Just completing three chapters was actually quite pathetic. I need at least 40 chapters to complete a novel. I was far behind. But everything took a sudden turn when I came across a novel writing competition on the MPH online website. I guess this was the drive I needed; a deadline and the fear of not being able to meet the deadline. The whole process was a long one; how I came across the site, how I suddenly had to switch from writing in English to writing in Malay, how I completed the novel and the aftermath of its completion. But I would not dwell upon it again as I have already written about the whole process in “The WeekThat Made Me Wonder”.

In short, I started on 3^rd January 2014 and completed my novel on 17^th February 2014. It was titled “Di Ambang Penemuan”. I wrote around 85500 words, which is around 405 pages, which is also 46 chapters in a mere 45 days. It’s amazing how a deadline can drastically change the way you do things. I was struggling to complete my “Write a Novel” bucketlist for more than a year and suddenly within 45 days I was done. The feeling was ecstatic. When I put the words “TAMAT” in my novel, the joy and fulfillment was too great to explain. I was so happy that I completed this goal, but I also realized something else.

Even though I was incredibly happy that I completed my novel, I realized the joy that I felt while writing the novel was just as the same. I was able to create my own story and my own characters. I had the liberty of creating whatever that I wanted. It was amazing. I realized it was the same joy that I felt when I was writing during my school days. But now I think I see things more clearly. The joy of writing doesn’t lie in getting good marks in homework or exams. The joy of writing doesn’t lie in completing a bucketlist goal. The joy of writing doesn’t lie in making a career out of it. The joy of writing also doesn’t lie in making money out of it. I have now realized that the joy of writing actually lies in writing itself.

As for now, bucketlist “Write a Novel” has been completed. But I will continue writing whenever I can. I am not sure whether my writings mean anything to others, but it means a whole lot to me.