A Forgotten Stage

In a way all of us are performers performing on a different stage each time throughout our lives. Sometimes we perform on different stages simultaneously. There are different stages in everyone’s life and we perform a different character each time. Some of us share the same stage as others, like primary school and secondary school. There are certain stages some decide not to perform on like getting married and having children. Then there are stages that we need to help others to perform like when it’s your children’s turn to go to school. Some of us follow the basic routine, the typical stages everyone performs on. And there are some of us that leave out certain common stages and explore stages that are not always performed on. We don a new hat, a new character each time we are on a new stage. The way we speak, the way we think, the way we carry ourselves; our performances changes each time. I’m sure we don’t behave the same way we behaved in primary school when we go to work. Because I don’t see anyone trying to “londeh” someone’s pants during their birthday at the work place. 

Yes, that’s how we are. We perform and perform on different stages to different audiences. It’s not a bad thing; it’s actually wonderful that in the short span of our lives we get to play so many characters. We get to look back and cherish the moments, and remember the character we once played. Sometimes wondering how we managed to pull it off. But as times passes on, the character and the stages we performed on becomes merely a distant past that we remember vaguely; a memory that we only look back on certain rainy evenings. Some of the stages become empty and we don’t perform on them ever again. But sometimes, your heart yearns to perform on a previous stage for one last time. You might not be as good as last time, not as energetic, not as talented as you were before. Yet there will be a small voice in your head that tells you, why not? Then suddenly you wake up one day and decide to listen to the little voice. Yes, even though your time might have passed on a particular stage, sometimes you just have to tell yourself, why not give it one last shot? And that is what I decided to do when I applied to do a second degree through USM’s School of Distant Education Program. I decided I still have one last performance that I have to do on the stage that I performed for the last time eight years ago, Tertiary Education.

I know, some of you are already thinking that I am bonkers. This guy already has a Medical Degree and has a job as a Study Coordinator. Why would he want to do another degree? Well if you think I am bonkers now; wait till I tell you what degree I chose to do. I’m pursuing my second degree in the field of Malay Literature, or how it is known in Malay “Ijazah Sarjana Muda Sastera (Kesusasteraan)”. Well there goes the other half that was thinking that I’m not actually bonkers. I know it seems like a crazy thing to do. But I think I can give a justifiable explanation. At least I’ll try to give a proper explanation. 

I got my degree in Medicine eight years ago. After that I left the world of tertiary studies and never looked back. My life took a lot of twist and turns over these eight years. Some were good, but some were not that pleasant. Time passed on, and slowly life became a routine. There was a huge change in my life a few months back when I got married. But besides that amazing experience, my life was going on with no significant changes. It was during this time, from early this year that is, I started thinking about where do I go with my studies after this? I have my Medical Degree, but what do I do after this? There wasn’t much of an option for me. Not being a practicing doctor made my choices quite limited. There was also this thought in my mind whether I really wanted to further in the field that I left from practicing in the first place. Since my options were limited and since I was not sure whether the medical field was where I wanted to plant the seed of studies again, I decided against it. I wanted something different, something from a different perspective. I actually hadn’t made up my mind when I looked through the courses being offered. But by the time I was done with the list, I have selected what I wanted to do.

The options were a bit limited to begin with. There was only four fields of study available; Science, Management, Social Science, and Literature. Those who know me, without thinking twice would have said that this guy definitely opted for Science. I think I would have said the same thing to. I don’t want to lie, Science was at the back of my mind when I was making my choice. I love science and it has been an integral part of my learning process for years. But as I said this time I was looking for something different. I needed something that makes me appreciate the things outside of logic. I needed something that lets me explore the artistic side of the world. That’s why I opted to take on literature. And only when I decided to take it on that I realized in a way this might let me explore my own writing abilities too, which definitely needs a lot of improvement. So it was decided, the boy who loved Mathematics, Physics, and Chemistry was ready to take on the world of literature. 

I applied for the course. It s not easy to get in as the requirement was quite stringent. Especially when you don’t have the basic diploma to go with the degree you applied for. I’m not sure what criteria it was that gave me the edge, but I was selected to study in USM’s School of Distant Learning. Maybe it was because not many people apply for literature courses. Well I didn’t care, I was selected and I was eager to get started. I was going to study again. It was quite intriguing until I found out that the four days orientation in USM was compulsory attendance. That was when my mind came up with all the worse possible things that can happen during that time. A tiny little doubt had crept into me, do I really want to do this.

After going through some of the scenarios in my head, I told myself it wouldn’t be that bad. But the only issue that wouldn’t go away was my age. I’m 32 this year and most probably most my course mates would be way younger than me. I know School of Distant Learning means all of them there would be part time students who have their day time job. Means they would not be very young, still they would not be much older either. What would I talk to them about? I didn’t even know what the current trend with the university students was. I’m an old fashioned guy who still types all his messages in full with the correct spelling for each word. The university students are all about short forms and internet slang. I wonder if they still actually laugh or they just say LOL after listening to a joke. I’m going to be the old uncle who no one wants to hang out with at parties. What have I gotten myself into? 

As the days grew nearer to my orientation, I reminded myself that I’m just being silly, and it will be all good. At least I hope so. Came the day of registration, I had my bags packed, my certificates all photocopied and certified, my forms filled up, passport size picture taken, everything was ready. This is a list of things which I have not prepared for quite some time now. It felt different; I didn’t feel like I was going to the university for the first time, well I wasn’t. But it also didn’t feel familiar. I think it is a journey of two different worlds. The first time I went to university in Moscow was more like heading to Mordor to rid off the ring; that’s one tough job. This time, I think it is more like going to Hogwarts; as long as there is no Voldemort there, then its fine by me. Yes, they are two different worlds altogether.

I headed to USM in Penang on a Sunday with my wife and mom. Mom wanted to tag along probably because she didn’t have the chance to send me to the university the first time; she only came till the airport. Malaysian university was a foreign soil to me, kind of made me miss my Dean’s Office back in Moscow. It was straight to the hostels because registration was only the next day. As I walked around the hostel blocks looking for my block, I saw a young lad who had arrived with his friends. He looked young, early 20s I guess. With around five or six of his friends, I didn’t take the time to count. I guess that’s how I would have arrived, surrounded by my friends like bodyguards if I was still in my early 20s. I found my block and went up to my room. My roommate for the next four days was already there. I said hello, put my things, and went out to grab some food with wife and mom. Not being familiar with the surrounding area, we opted for McDonalds. 

After a quick bite, I said my goodbyes, and was in my room arranging my bag and clothes in place. I struck a conversation with my roommate and found out he was a Lance Corporal with PDRM based in Bukit Aman. He was there taking up a degree to secure a promotion. In the government sector you can apply for promotion if you further your studies and obtain higher certifications. He was taking Social Science, but in a way he was there unwillingly as he did not see any other way to get promoted. Then a guy from the opposite room came over. He was two years younger than me I think. He had an administrative job in Putrajaya, but I can’t recall which department he worked with. After finding out their backgrounds and why they were there; he was there for promotion too, it was time for me to tell them about myself. They probably thought I was bonkers too as one of them kept on saying “Pening, Pening” all throughout my story. My roommate and I went out for dinner, he had a car. Then it was time for bed, so far so good. Tomorrow all the hassle of getting registered begins.

The next day we were up early, both my roommate and I. We woke up early to avoid the morning traffic at the bathroom and toilets since we only had two common bathrooms and toilets in every floor. We had our breakfast at the cafeteria. That’s when I started noticing the other students who were there. Most of then looked a tad bit younger than me and there were some who were around my age. But looks can be deceiving. It’s hard to guess someone’s age sometimes. There was one person who I almost completely knew which age group he belonged to, he was definitely in his 50s. His hair was gray, he was thin and looked a bit frail but his demeanor suggested differently. He actually moved about quite actively. My first thought was maybe he was sending his son or daughter for the registration. But looking at the bag he was carrying, and because he was having his breakfast there, I was sure he was the student not the parent of the student. Besides all the parents left yesterday after dropping off their children. 

A few of us finished breakfast at the same time, my roommate, the guy from the opposite room, two strangers that I haven’t gotten acquainted yet, and also the elderly uncle. We were walking towards the bus stop just nearby the cafeteria as the registration building was a good 1.5km away, when suddenly the elderly uncle suggested we walk there. Well, all of us being the young ones, by comparison that is, didn’t have the choice to decline. We made our way to Perpustakaan Hamzah, one step at a time, with a long way to go. Since we had a long way to go, I started a conversation with the elderly uncle. Asked where he was from, and coincidentally he was from Perak too. Even more coincidental was he stayed in Kampung Boyan which was very near my housing area. I eventually got to the age question, and he was 54 years old. He was retiring next year. Finally there was someone who seemed bonkers to me.

Apparently he was not there to get promoted, which was obvious since he is retiring the following year and his course would take up at least 5 years. So I asked him what was he doing there, why was he pursuing a degree at this age? It seems the reason he was doing his degree was because he was retiring. He said, throughout his life he always had something to do. He was always busy. But at this age, the only thing that was keeping him busy was his job, which would be coming to an end next year. He said he didn’t know what to do after he retires. He said he wouldn’t have anything to do. He wants to be busy like he always has been. He wants to be doing something. 

I told him, after retiring he can rest, do something for his self. He said there was only a certain amount of time you can rest, a few days; the most would be few weeks. After that you will be bored. He would be lost without something to do, without a purpose. And he said he is doing this for himself. A five year project for him to focus on himself, learn and develop his knowledge. His words were fascinating. He was doing his degree in History. And here I was, worried that I was old, that I was not in the current trend, this uncle was not even in the current age. Yet he was there, determined to do what he wants to do. It was a good reminder for me on why I was there in the first place. I headed to the registration building with a clearer mind.

As soon as the registration ended, the four days went by fast. We had to attend a lot of talks, most of it as a huge group of around 1400 students and sometimes we were divided according to our faculty, mine would be literature of course. It was during the third day when I was registering my subjects; I met the group of people that I would be sharing my classroom with, which only amounted to 19 people, the smallest group among all the courses. There was also an elderly lady in my course; she was 56 years old if I was not mistaken. She was already a writer and had published a few novels. I didn’t have an opportunity to talk to her. The next time we meet I would want to know her story too. 

At the Dewan Tuanku Syed Putra

Within the 5 days I was there, I met different types of people. Most of them were working with the government sector. There were a few policemen, who were always jovial. There was also a group of teacher friends, four of them to be exact, who were really nice and friendly. I enjoyed talking to them. Most of the time I hung out with my roommate, and also the boy I saw on the first day with his friends. I was right, he was 22, and he was there right after finishing his diploma and working for a few months. But currently he wasn’t working because his company didn’t want to give him the 4 days leave he needed to attend the orientation. So he took the bold move of resigning. He said he would go back and look for a job, but with a company that can promise him leave for him to attend exams and classes, pretty darn bold if you ask me. Besides that, there were many others who I met and got to know about their stories a bit. There were different people from different walks of life, different age groups, and with different stories to tell.

I also got the chance to give out some medical advice on two occasions, a girl with stomach pain and a police officer with a bee sting. You see knowledge doesn’t go to waste. There were a few groups of people who were too hyped up, you know the type that always talk like a know it all. I think you have one group like this everywhere you go. Best is to stay away and keep a distant. As my father always told me, “Dushtare kanda, dhoora oru adi”. Besides I always maintain a low profile, so it wasn’t a problem for me. By the end of the orientation, when my wife came to pick me up, I felt it had been a good five days. A five days full or learning experience, as I always say we can learn from anyone, yes even the hyped up know it all ones. 

As I was heading back to Taiping, I realized my orientation is done, which means classes will start soon. I was going to perform on this stage called tertiary education again. But this time, it’s different. This time I’m not worried about getting good marks, I’m not even worried about passing, eventually I have to pass of course. But I’m not worried about it. I just want to learn and gain knowledge. This time I’m taking the stage with no script, no practice, and no rehearsals. This time I’m going up the stage with an empty mind. This time I’m just going to perform, and enjoy my own performance. Let the stage enlighten me and light me up with bright colors. This time I just want to be dazzled with the joy of being on this stage again for one last time.